It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
