I'm really into asian looking animals
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
