Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
