Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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