no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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