At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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