dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
