There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
