Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
