Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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