...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
