I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
