I should be sponsored by Trojan
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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