The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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