So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
