I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
