and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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