I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
