Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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