I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
