ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Randomize
