You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
