We won't sleep together?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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