Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sext me about skeletons
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
