Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
