she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
