dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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