I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
