help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
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