this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
