There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
