he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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