What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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