I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
