A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
