I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
