I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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