I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
