did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
