New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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