Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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