I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
