is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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