If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
