I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
