i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
