my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
