His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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