Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
