Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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